Monday, May 16, 2011

Nobody's perfect!

It has been a while my friends, not least because every time I tried to blog the bloody blogger site was mysteriously unavailable and offline. Anyway, I am here now and that 's what matters, right?

Now I have also been rather pre-occupied with my health actually. Yoga is definitely a miracle worker and with a regular practice you can certainly combat all sorts of ailments, injuries, chronic symptoms and conditions but there is some stuff that just happens and has to be dealt with and no amount of down dogs or headstands can  help with the physical problem you are facing. Of course yoga can help to deal with the anxiety and the stress associated with these problems and that has been my saving grace this last couple of months. My daily mantra has been "Breathe Fee! Breathe your worries away and be positive"
Now before you all go sending me get well cards, I am totally fine. I had been told very casually after some blood tests that I had a raised hormone level in my pituitary and that I needed to have an MRI. The doctor then proceeded to direct me to a page in her "go to" book, the only word on which I honed in was "Tumor". Completely stunned, I left the surgery and spent the next little while alternately being in pieces and determined it was a freak test and I was going to be fine. After 2 weeks (seemed like 2 years) I got a letter referring me to a consultant. 
Now those of you who know me personally may beg to differ but I could never imagine there could be anything wrong in my head! (OK, OK concentrate now, joke is over!) 
5 weeks went by before my appointment and you can imagine I was a joy to be around! People telling me that if it was really serious I would have been taken in there and then, wasn't helping. I was convinced I was not long for this world and was a total wreck. 
Fast forward to last Monday. I finally walked trembling into the consultants office wincing, waiting to be told the worst. The fact that my specialist was called Dr. Brain slightly brightened my day with a faint chuckle! 
I am not about to keel over, you will be happy to know and after more blood tests it is possible that I have an issue with cells or even a larger nodule putting pressure on my pituitary but it is completely treatable. The other good news is that the fact that I am emotionally completely out of whack (again with the giggles?!) is all attributable to the physicality of what is going on in my head and not because I am generally a basket case!

The rubbish part is that I thought I was perfect (OK, OK, Stop!)! 
Turns out I am a little bit defective after all!

Now I am waiting for the MRI appointment to come through to confirm the type of treatment I need, which I gather will be drugs to shrink the cells rather then surgery which could be scary.
 But of course it being me, I am now worrying and preparing for the MRI. I am completely claustrophobic you see and I imagine it to be like being buried alive. Maybe however, in reality it will be more like sleeping in the upper bunk of a crew cabin on a ship, but without the boat drill announcements at 400 decibels in your ear and your precariously balanced alarm clock cracking you in the head in the middle of the night! I can do that!!!
As usual, when life throws me a curve ball, I shall take a moment, get my yoga on and breathe through it. I am already planning a breath meditation for the occasion. I will partake in a little Nadi Shodana (alternate nostril breathing) before I get in there and then take a simple sama vritta pranyama (equal breath) during the process. Those two types of pranyama are great for calming the body and focusing the mind. Of course that may all go to pot and I may end up eating a shit load of Dairy Milk before hand, then trying to figure out how I can assuage the guilt of the calorie consumption might take my mind off the fact that I am trapped in a confined space with someone checking out my brain for lumps!

Until next time Freedom lovers x

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