Gout! I have Gout for goodness sake!
In fact, this is the third episode of the dreaded condition in the last couple of years.
I woke up the other morning and thought, once again, that I had broken my ankle in the night. I know I get up a lot to pee and wander about getting endless glasses of water and to adjust the always falling out earplugs (John snores like a bear!) but I think I would have known if I had perhaps tripped and broken my ankle! The first time it happened, a few years ago, I was totally freaked out and hotfotted it (well, hobbled if the truth be known!) to the Doctor...excuse me right now but I have to go off on a tangent for a second.
Why can I never see MY Doctor? I always have to settle for "another Doctor in the Practice, because your Doctor is on leave Madam". Why is the NHS paying her bloody loads if she is never there? Too busy spending her cash on golf lessons probably or looking at private schools for her overindulged and rather disappointingly thick son!
OK, rant over!
So I saw a different Doctor who very quickly and rather too excitedly gave me the diagnosis. "Gout, definitely Gout!" Saying it twice was not necessary. If you are a doctor reading this take note. There are some things that people don't need to hear twice, like, haemorrhoids and chlamydia and bloody gout! Isn't gout something that fat sweaty old men get? Apparently not! Apparently incredibly fit and lovely yoga Goddesses are also susceptible! I was horrified, obviously however I felt so much better when my girlfriend told me that her boyfriend is a fellow gout sufferer. Thanks Luce! He is a fantastically tall, slim, athletic type in his early 40s. That made me feel so much better! So for the record, after some research, gout is a build up of uric acid which crystallizes in the joints and alcohol can be a cause! Say no more!
Talking of alcohol, I am so happy to say that I have found the best cure for a hangover... and gout!
I will give you one guess...
After the Gumbo incident, I was feeling very rough to say the least. I woke up with not only the "how did I break my ankle?" question but also the "Who shat in my mouth last night?" question! I had a horrible headache and the feeling that if I moved with any amount of force my head would fall off and the contents of my stomach would magically reappear on the floor!
So, you can imagine the thought of going to yoga was not filling me with much excitement. After slouching around the house most of the day the guilt set in and I felt compelled to go to class to make amends for abusing my body. I took a LARGE bottle of water with me and hoped I would not live to regret the decision.
It was a Power class! Oh joy!
Let me tell you, the beginning was slow. Well, I was slow, not the class it was one sun salute after the other followed by lots of standing forward bends, twists and heart openings. That was just the first ten minutes!
But listen to this. It was like magic! As the poses came and went and the minutes ticked by I didn't feel sicker and sicker as I expected, I felt better and better. My head cleared, my stomach settled and my ankle felt stronger. By the time we took halasana (plough) and matsyasana (fish) I was cured! I know, I know, I sound like one of those religious nuts - you know, Steve Martin in "Leap of Faith"- but I am telling you, yoga is pretty fierce in the healing department!
I skipped out of the studio revitalised, re-energized and feeling fab!
So next time you are suffering from over indulgence, don't reach for your Paracetamol or eat 8 Berocca tablets, just roll out your mat and do a few asanas.
You won't be disappointed!