Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The Eternal Student

Since embarking on my yoga journey, I tend to rate my success in life by how well I cope in potentially stressful or difficult situations and this week I am a complete and utter failure! 
Naturally rather a highly strung, short tempered person, thanks Mum, yoga should be allowing me to listen a bit harder and breathe a bit deeper and be more balanced in my emotions. 
Apparently I need to do some more yoga!!!! 
This last week has been an absolute shit of a week and instead of floating through it, being strong in the hard times, keeping calm in the stressful times and enjoying the relaxing times, I have been a right old bloody mess the whole time! Now here is the worst part, today I find myself beating myself up because of how I reacted to my week of hell. I went completely to pieces. I know what to do in fraught times, I talk to my clients all the time about using what you learn on the mat to enhance your life, calm your emotions and make a happier more balanced self - "Take a moment and breathe, then using that moment to rationalise your thoughts deal with what is in front of you with dignity and grace and a clear intelligent head." 
My head and body said "Bollocks to that" and crashed through the week like a huge over emotional elephant launching into venomous rants at anyone and everyone that got in my way.
"Attractive!" I hear you cry!
So, I sit here at my trusty Dell this evening taking stock. I do that a lot lately...does that mean I am self obsessed? Maybe I am just putting off doing my HUGE pile of ironing! Anyway, since freaking out over my freak out, I felt even more of a failure. I should be practising what I preach. I should be great at this, after all I have been teaching for a year! Then it dawned on me. I have been teaching ONLY a year, I have been living for 39! And those 38 years of gut reactions and high drama have become embedded in me. Now of course I am starting to reprogramme and starting to transform but it isn't going to happen overnight. (Do I sound like I'm a member of a cult?!!!!) I need to stop wasting energy beating myself up and realise that most things that are worth doing are hard and take time, lots of time, to develop and perfect. I want to be Mrs. Blissful, the type of person who is unflappable, rational and fantastically calm. Instead I am Mrs. Almost got a grip, Mrs. Shit you shouldn't have said that, Mrs. Next time I will breathe, then speak! And I know that all I have to do is practice. What is the expression, reap what you sow?!
I think the point I am trying to make here is that no matter how long you have been involved with yoga whether as a practitioner or as a teacher, you are forever a student. You never stop learning and remembering to put all that stuff that you learn on the mat into practice when you are most in need. And then, after a while, you won't have to remember, it will just happen, naturally, like breathing in and breathing out. So I am making a promise to get on my mat more, to step back from trying to build my business every second of the day and take time for my own personal practice. After all, I got into teaching yoga because of how amazing it made me feel! 
The great part for any yogi is that you always have that yoga tool box to dip into and pick out just the right implement to help you  along your road to Calmsville, which, by the way is just up the road from Cope Central!
Namaste Freedom Lovers x

1 comment:

  1. "I am enough, I am where I am supposed to be and I am loved." - Me 1994

    "Yesterdays a cancelled check, tomorrow is a promissory note, today is the only time we have, spend it wisely." - Art Russ Jr.

    Guess what folks, Sophie is human. Imagine that. Luv ya kiddo.